Not My Week

(I guess I should give you a heads up that this post starts out as a bit of a downer (understatement), but it does sort of take an upward, Mormon-y turn at the end? Keep reading if you'd like. Or not. It's up to you.)

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I'm sorry to be such a downer, but... this really has NOT been my week.

Between being sick for five days (even staying home from work on Monday), some really intense stuff with one of my siblings + trying to figure out how to help, and what feels like endless failed attempts at keeping my heart and my mind open (also, there was this...), I am just mentally, physically, and emotionally spent. I'm running on empty, and yet... I'm not REALLY empty, because I can somehow, even right now, in this moment, when I feel so sad, recognize that I still have faith, that I still have worth, and that God still loves me. I marvel at this, and I thank God, because I truly believe the ability to have faith against all odds is my greatest spiritual gift. That's how even at my lowest and when I feel like I'm falling apart, I'm still able to see that things are going to be OK. (But let it be known that feeling sad sometimes is a perfectly legitimate and valid thing.)

I owe this perspective to my knowledge of the Gospel. The gospel grounds me, it anchors me, and it teaches me eternal truths that override anything life or the world can ever throw at me. I repeat this over and over, but I firmly believe THE most important thing any human being can ever know is that he or she is a CHILD OF GOD. That God is literally our Father, that we are HIS children, and that He LOVES US. He loves us no matter what.

President Monson gave a talk last General Conference where he made a beautiful statement about this. He said,

"Your Heavenly Father loves you -- each of you. That love never changes. It is not influenced by your appearance, by your possessions, or by the amount of money you have in your bank account. It is not changed by your talents and abilities... God's love is there for you whether or not you feel you deserve love. It is simply always there."

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With my whole heart (it's still whole, even when it feels broken), I know that statement is true!

And tonight, for anyone who has ever felt as sad about things beyond your control as I've felt this week, I'd like to add that God loves you/me/us regardless of your status, regardless of what happens in your family, regardless of how many dates you have, regardless of how many boys did (or didn't) call, or any other crappy, crappy things you can't control. I have worth, and God does have a plan. I clearly haven't the smallest clue what that is, but I haven't lost my faith that His hand is somehow in it.

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